Category: Rock, Paper, Shotgun

I punched a cultist in the face in Streets Of Rogue 2, just because. He started running away – something I would not allow. When another robed cultist spotted what was happening, he tried to intervene, and a kind of Benny Hill pursuit chain began. We ran across a beach, through public toilets, and into the surf. In the end I had to knock them both out. As they lay unconscious, I worried they might soon wake and tell someone what I had done. This can’t happen, I hate accountability. I punched their unawake bodies toward the sea in an effort to float the evidence away. But after a few punches the first man exploded into chunks of flesh. I am a murderer now. I was supposed to be a chef.

Streets Of Rogue 2 has a demo out for Steam Next Fest, and while a lot of features are locked up behind the word “UNAVAILABLE” in red font, there’s still quite a lot of mischief for you to get up to.

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Archetype Entertainment and Blur Studio’s space RPG Exodus was announced back in December, and was broadly notable for a couple of things: 1) Matthew McConaughey plays a character, and 2) the game’s story is woven around time dilation during faster than light travel, with star-hopping adventurers prosecuting a fight against evil Celestials over hundreds, perhaps thousands of years.

Now, it is notable for three things, the third thing being a cosmic blubber-spire of gurning faces who want to eat your ship and soul. Say hello to the Mara Yama, the ickiest Celestial faction so far. Here’s a trailer, in which McConaughey does that thing where he lingers on the sibilants and makes you want to lean in and vigorously mess up his hair.

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The existence of Knights In Tight Spaces, sequel to Fights In Tight Spaces, implies the existence of an unknown quantity or perhaps, an infinity of follow-up games that rhyme with both of those. Frights In Tight Spaces is the obvious horror spin-off. Sleights In Tight Spaces would be an urban pick-pocketing sim. Fights In Trite Spaces is about arguing with people on social media. Ah, you could spend a whole article, indeed, a series of articles, just fleshing out the iterations. Fortunately, Knights In Tight Spaces has a new demo to distract me.

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Ah, what a pickle I’ve gotten myself into. I need to climb down from this table if I’m ever going to meet up with my teammates and finish the game, but the stupid zombies cannot get me if I stay up here. It’s an absolute gherkin, I tell you. A real cornichonundrum.

The steel pipe in my right hand is doing a decent job of whittling them down, and the torch in my left lets me see the expressions of impotent rage on their flaky faces. Still, the pipe won’t last forever – this is videogame steel, the crumbliest steel there is. Thank god No More Room In Hell 2 doesn’t bother with the hunger or rest parts of the survival equation. I can, in theory, stay on this table forever.

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Twitch have temporarily banned an account run by streamer Asmongold, otherwise known as Zack Hoyt, after he expressed genocidal sentiments about Israel’s killing of Palestinian people in Gaza. According to the eSports journalist Rod Breslau, he’s been sent to the naughty step for a grand total of two weeks, which I’m sure will be a huge inconvenience and will really teach him the error of his ways. Assuming Breslau’s sources are accurate, it’s a great demonstration of Twitch’s tolerance for streamers with big audiences, the kind of slap on the wrist you’d expect from a platform that recently reinstated Donald Trump’s account after banning him in 2021 for the charge of inciting an insurrection.

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“Do you have a ping of 1000 or something,” my opponent asked, during my inaugural bout of Straftat. Ah yes, this is it, that sense of unpleasantly intimate sheepishness. That‘s the withering late-90s chatbox scorn I’ve been missing, in this age of glossy live service multiplayer. I hid under a stairwell in order to meditate upon my response, then laboriously typed: “No, I just suck.” Right on cue, the other player tumbled into view and shredded me with an AK.

The player I met in my second match was more forgiving. “I honestly think the characters need more HP,” they said, generously. My wrists need more HP, actually. My eyes and reflexes need urgent patching.

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Riot Games are cutting more jobs at their studios, the company announced today. This is the second time in a year the League of Legends developer has laid off workers. Chairman and co-founder of Riot, Marc Merrill, made the announcement yesterday, claiming that by cutting these jobs the company was “evolving League” and “investing heavily in solving today’s challenges”. A total of 32 people have lost their jobs, mostly workers on League of Legends, according to a figure the developer gave to our sister site Eurogamer.

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You might have caught this one during Day Of The Devs earlier this year. It’s stuck with me since because the developer Tanat seemed like a rad dude, and also because there’s nothing I cherish more than taking a bad pun and just absolutely going to town on it, marrow and all. Building Relationships is about buildings forming relationships in a Love Islandy scenario, though without the reality TV framing you might find in say, Crush House. But the real gag here is the commitment to the bit. Besides that, it’s just a really charming and fun N64-style 3D platformer.

It also features the sort wonky physics that definitely wouldn’t get Ninty’s seal of quality, but work brilliantly here, especially since your character consists largely of angles but still insists on, you know, performing motions.

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In the grim darkness of the far future, you will not have to worry about getting preyed upon by rival Space Marine chapters whilst duffing up the Tyranids, for there are no plans to add a PvPvE mode to Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine 2. That’s according to game director Dmitry Grigorenko, who observes that enjoyable PvPvE is the “holy grail” of game design, much-sought and seldom claimed. Balancing shooters in which players fight both each other and the bots is tricky, especially in a game as prone to dousing the screen in giblets as Space Marine 2.

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If you’ve read any of my stuff by now, you’d know that I am a simple man who enjoys violence in his games. No story? Absolutely fine by me – cuts the faff. This is why I like the demo for first-person shooter Cop Bastard a lot. It’s set in early 90s Japan, where you’ll smoke fools with guns in straightforward homage to 90s action movies. And it has an updated demo – not officially part of the latest Steam Next Fest – out right now.

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