I do not remember Minesweeper featuring this much horrible AI porno-spam, or cranial trauma

Fucksweeper is a difficult game to play in shared accommodation, a very difficult game to play in the crowded airport lounge I’m currently sitting in, and an incredibly difficult game to play on the airplane I will shortly be boarding. What is Fucksweeper? Discerning videogame cognoscente that you are, I feel like you should be able to read the title and form some broad conclusions. But for those who never owned a Windows PC in the 90s, Fucksweeper is a free, titillating, revolting, beautiful, apocalyptic new version of classic avoid-the-bombs grid puzzler Minesweeper that incorporates elements of dating sims and a vast quantity of generative AI filth. Maybe turn down the volume before watching this video.

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Final Fantasy XIV: Dawntrail is looking summer ready as we explore the new land of Tural

After the climatic end to a decade-long saga in Endwalker, anticipation is high for Final Fantasy XIV’s next expansion, Dawntrail. I got to try out the game and talk to Director Naoki Yoshida (aka Yoshi-P) about new Jobs and the difficulty of incorporating fan feedback (not to mention the reasons the Warrior of Light has such great skin – you’ll see). But how can the Square Enix possibly hope to follow the highs of Endwalker, including space travel and a fight against the physical embodiment of sorrow? By taking us on holiday, of course.

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Baldur’s Gate 3 will add official mod tools this September, making it even easier to play dungeon master

Mods are to Baldur’s Gate 3 what butter is to bread, that unreadable squiggle-font is to death metal bands or wheels are to the bottom of trainers when you’re a kid: not necessarily essential, per se, but so harmonious and well-suited that they feel essential. In the case of the D&D CRPG, it’s a natural extension of playing dungeon master around the table, crafting the world and its characters as you see fit – typically by making everyone in Faerûn even hornier somehow.

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The PlayStation VR2 PC adapter gets a release date and price, but a lot of its best features won’t work

We knew a PC adapter for PlayStation’s VR2 headset was on the way, and it looked to be fairly soon – and we were right! Sony’s shiniest virtual reality offering is now confirmed to be adding official PC support via a nifty wired adapter at the start of August. It’ll cost £50/$60 – but whether it’s worth the price given a number of key features will be missing is another question entirely…

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Enotria: The Last Song’s demo reveals a sunnier Soulslike with a powerful sense of theatre

This week we finally got our raging bear gauntlets on Elden Ring Shadow Of The Erdtree, an even dingier and danker edition of 2022’s best and dankest open worlder, but perhaps you’d rather play a Soulslike with a Florentine flounce and the warmth of a Mediterranean sunset on its brow. A brighter, stagier variety of action-role-playing, which deepens the connection between Italian folklore and Soulsliking established by last year’s Lies Of P. Well then: cast aside those ursine mitts, slip on a pair of immaculate white theatre gloves and get your thumbs into Enotria: The Last Song, which has a demo on Steam.

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I met a money-eating axe murderer in Sorry, We’re Closed and now so can you

In Sorry We’re Closed, an axe-murdering entrepreneur called Jenny is described in newspaper clippings as both a serial embezzler and as the city’s “wealthiest bachelorette”. Aside from being a dry reflection of tabloid reporting on women who commit crimes (bad woman! sexy, bad woman!) this is also the kind of incidental character-building you can expect in this perky, retro-styled survival horror. It plays like Silent Hill charged with the hot pink body horror of Porpentine interactive fiction. And judging by my hour of unsettled strolling through the decrepit tube station of the game’s demo, it’s a powerful combo.

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Silkbulb Test’s demo is a fun quiz game as long as you ignore the noises and don’t look behind you

Silkbulb Test is a game in which, going by its demo, you are strapped to a chair and made to answer questions projected onto a screen. You answer the questions by looking ponderously down and pressing the big red and yellow buttons on the desk in front of you. The questions begin with relatively innocuous, CAPTCHA-style inquiries, such as “is this a door?” accompanied by a picture of a face. A few minutes later, there’s stuff like “Are you alone?” and “Is it safe to be alone?” and “You are alone” and yep, time to smash Pause or better, throw the Steam Deck behind the sofa and go stare out the window for a while.

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Hammer of the gods comes down on the weapons of Hades 2 in the roguelike’s latest patch, but in a good way

Witchy roguelike Hades 2 got a fresh update yesterday that sees a bunch of weapons getting stompier, thumpier, and, yes, whompier. It’s like the hammer of Hephaestus himself was put to work on the entire armory. The Moonstone Axe’s heavier attacks now channel faster, for one thing, which could make the most sluggish of the weapons a little more viable. I haven’t had a go at the re-jigged bashing yet myself but I trust from these patch notes it will be subtly noticeable.

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Bungie reveal fixes for Destiny 2 The Final Shape DLC connection bugs, as players battle weirdly scented error codes

I’ve set aside some time this evening for Destiny 2‘s latest expansion The Final Shape, which launched last night. My pal Liam suggested we play this evening because Bungie’s servers would inevitably go up in flames the moment it launched. And what do you know? The right decision was made. Are we smug about it? Yes. Anyway, the good news is that Bungie have put out a few of those fires, though there are still a few bugs to fix.

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