Sons Of The Forest,” my compatriots at RPS told me. “It’s a great new survival game, with cannibals who live on an island!” And I was like, “wait, so until you turned up to they just eat each other? How do they have a sustainable population? What’s going on here?”
Thus, in a spirit of pure scientific enquiry, I booted up Sons Of The Forest and immediately discovered that everyone has been lying to me, because Sons Of The Forest is not a survival game. Sons Of The Forest is very clearly an early 00s b-movie action thriller. The script was left in a filing cabinet in Slough in an empty office until the office was repurposed into a call centre, at which point it was found by a middle-manager whose paintball team thought it was awesome, and somehow he sent it to a game developer by mistake. This is what happened, and you cannot convince me otherwise.